me while working on this
website
dont
let this happen to you...Always buy parts from a reputable company and get
a receipt!
did you hear fed ex and ups
were merging?? they call it fed-ups
Research suggests
these things cause wrecks?
I would rather be watching
Star Trek
the backyard mechanic is
sometimes more qualified than you think
click here for more very funny humor
COOL THINGS ABOUT BEING A MAN
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase
. You can open all your own jars.
Hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, you can still be friends.
Your underwear costs $10.00 for a three-pack.
If you are 36 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
Same work, more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - $75.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to take a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
Your pals never trap you with, "So, notice anything different?"
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut or bolt.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
A few belches are expected and tolerated.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th in 45 minutes
A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell, the wife answers. "Hi is Tony home?" "No he went to the store." "Well, you mind if I wait?" "No come in." They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I got to see the both of them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together." Nora thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know your weird friend Chris came over. " Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
WORDS WOMEN USE "FINE": This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments. "FIVE MINUTES" This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. "NOTHING" This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine.' "GO AHEAD" (With Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with the word "Fine." "GO AHEAD" (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. "LOUD SIGH" This is not actually a word, but is a onverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing." "SOFT SIGH" Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content. "THAT'S OKAY" This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow". "GO AHEAD" At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. "PLEASE DO" This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay." "THANKS" A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome. "THANKS A LOT" This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing
I woke up early feeling a little depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, "Another year older", but decided to make the best of it.
So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say Happy Birthday, dear.
All smiles, I went into breakfast and there sat my wife reading the newspaper as usual.
She didn't say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee and thought to myself, oh well, she just forgot.
The kids will be in in a few minutes all cheery and they will sing Happy Birthday and have a nice gift for me.
There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited.
Finally the kids came running in yelling, "Give me a slice of toast", "I'm late", "Where is my coat", and "I'm going to miss the bus".
Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office.
When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a smile and a "Happy Birthday, Boss" and said, "I'll get you some coffee".
Her remembering made me feel a lot better.
Later in the morning my secretary knocked on my office door, and said, "Since it's your birthday why don't we have lunch together.
Thinking it would make me feel better, I said, "That's a good idea".
So we locked up the office, and since it was my birthday I said, "Why don't we drive out of town
and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place."
So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way place and had a couple of martinis and a nice lunch, and started driving back to town,
when my secretary said, "Why don't we go to my place and I will fix you another martini."
It sounded like a good idea, since we didn't have anything to do in the office anyway.
So we went to her apartment and she fixed us both a martini and after a while she said
"If you will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable," and she left the room.
In six minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big birthday cake
and following her was my wife and all my kids, and there I sat with nothing on but my socks!!!